So today's the day I hit the grand old age of 39 (and holding...). Mostly birthdays consist of fairly predictable and well-worn traditions and conventions, such as present-opening, binge drinking and cake eating - enjoyable, true, but hardly unconventional or even individual. It strikes me that on one's birthday certain things should be not only permissable but actively encouraged.
1. The birthday girl or boy should walk around in their birthday suit all day. Everyone else should comment on their beauty, feeling that not having a similar shape body is in some way a personal fault.
2. Johnny Depp (insert name of choice here, obviously) should be your alarm clock for the day, breaking it to you gently that despite it being your birthday, you still have to go to work.
3. All restaurants, attractions, air travel etc should be free - with or without a Blue Peter badge.
4. On pressing the red button now the birthday individual should find a tailor-made evening of entertainment should they find themselves at a loose end. For me this would mean: the Six 0'clock News (read by Johnny Depp); Trinny and Susannah (makeover with Johnny Depp in a 360 degree mirror); House; The West Wing; Don Juan de Marco (starring Johnny Depp); and one of those channel five 'my body seems to have done something peculiar that will gross you out' programmes (preferably involving an unfortunate individual with a highly specialised medical problem that in all other respects looks rather suspiciously like a Mr J Depp).
5. The weather will be perfect, and not at all so stinking hot that it makes everyone smelly and bad-tempered.
...come the revolution, eh? Failing that I had an enjoyable day despite working and despite the weather, probably due in part to my determination to binge-cake eat all day.