Monday, July 10, 2006

You can come out from behind the sofa...

Bit of a couch potato weekend, owing to me feeling rather under the weather (gasping for breath, more like!). The TV obliged by providing some serious entertainment - tennis, football and the main event, the last episode of Doctor Who. We have all thoroughly enjoyed this series, even though the kids watch it from the time-honoured positions of behind the sofa or under a blanket (or if feeling brave, through their fingers). Annie (who is 8) was almost inconsolable when the Doctor and Rose were separated in their own parallel worlds. It was a great storyline, even if a rip-off of the end of the Philip Pullman 'His Dark Materials' trilogy (good ideas deserve more than one airing!)
I have a habit of coming up with silly ditties whilst returning home from the school run. This one made it to paper. It was a response to the concerns of parents that Dr Who is too scary; and also the new moves by the health & safety council to lighten up a bit wrt playground safety, in order to let kids experience a little danger in a controlled environment. Which makes it sound more profound than it is. Really this sort of writing is just a way of putting off something more important.

You can come out from behind the sofa, children
We’ve made it safe for you to come and play
The bumps within the night have all been silenced
The devils, beasts and ghouls have gone away.

You can come out from behind the sofa, children
We’ve cleared the monsters underneath the beds
The bogeyman is working down in Woolworths
The Big Bad Wolf has gone and lost his head.

The Daleks have been flat-packed into storage
The Cybermen recycled into cans
The White Witch has been cryogenically frozen
Baloo has got the better of Shere Khan

You can come out from behind the sofa, children
The Hearty Queen’s been dealt a fatal blow
Voldermort’s been permanently spellbound
Cruella’s wearing fake fur, just for show

Jaws is all wired up and eating plankton
Darth Vadar has been forced to breathe his last
The Joker’s told his last joke to the Penguin
The Wicked Witch has melted down the pan.

You can come out from behind the sofa, children
The ghost of Christmas past’s faded to grey
Even Noddy’s got the better of those goblins
And Toytown’s now a nicer place to play.

Captain Hook is wearing woolly mittens
Smaug the dragon’s fires have been put out
The Demon Head is stuck doing detention
A hundred lines: ‘I will not scream and shout!’

You can come out from behind the sofa, children
We’ve made the world a better place for you:
We’ve neutralised it, sanitised it, shake-n-vac and sterilised it –

For monsters only ever spoil the view.

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