Not a great week in The Wheelybin. I'm off work with The Cold From Hell (can't breathe / can't sleep / faceache etc etc); We're missing Jordan, who's on a school trip at a chateau in Normandy all week, jammy so&so; and Richard's school got the Ofsted announcement on Monday. For those of you not in the know, Ofsted inspectors now fancy themselves as a crack SAS-style team - they sweep in with minimum warning, do their stuff rapidly (all in one day in this case) and leave devastation in their wake. It's supposed to be less stressful for the teachers this way. All I know is that Richard has had very little sleep, has grabbed food occasionally, and has spent most waking hours at the school over the past 48 hours (it seems much longer, due to the intense work on the timetable for much of half-term). He really needed me to hold the fort and feed him, whilst I really wanted someone to look after me, so we're both feeling a bit sorry for ourselves. Hence the lyrics below. Those of you familiar with my 'work' should know to join in, effecting your best Neil Diamond / Barbra Streisand impressions. If you can find someone of the opposite gender to do the other part, so much the better.
You don't bring me Lemsips
She: You don't bring me Lemsips
You don't plump my pillows
He: You hardly talk to me anymore
When I crawl into bed at around 2am.
Both: I remember when...
She: We used to share the sofa
And even watch Big Brother
Now after filling forms late at night -
He: And you've gone to bed, babe, you're not feeling all right -
She: Well you just roll over and turn out the light...
And you don't bring me Lemsips anymore.
He: It used to be so natural
She: (Ooo used to be...)
He: To have a conversation
She: (A con - ver - say - shun)
He: But used-to-bes don't count anymore, now I haven't the time to say more than 'goodbye'.
She: And baby I remember all the colds you've wiped up
When you've tucked me in bed and rubbed Vick on my chest
He: But now when all I want is some food and a rest
She: I'm all comatosed while you're still at your desk...
And we don't watch the West Wing
He: You don't bake me fruit cake
She: You don't bring me Lemsips anymore.
I realise that these words may leave some of you anxious for our mental state, but don't worry: we don't really watch Big Brother. But life without The West Wing? I don't think so.